First, a tiny bit of recent backstory....
For years, I thought I was some kind of unicorn. I don't see a lot of consensual non-monogamy in our culture - not openly. When I started talking about my unconventional lifestyle more openly, I got a lot of surprising comments. Overwhelmingly, people were nice about it and were just very curious. Sometimes people would volunteer information about themselves or other family members or friends who were also openly non-monogamous situations. I mentioned my non-monogamous marriage in a Facebook status update, and my mother mentioned that my father would probably see this, and asked if that was ok. My response was to thank her, and say that it was fine. I commented, “we’re not doing anything wrong.” She commented further, "Well it's certainly worked for you very well." Yay! Ringing endorsement from Mom! My mother and my father are not disowning me, so it is time to come out to help others!
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Welcome! My passion and purpose is to educate about sex, sexuality, intimacy and open relationships through my blog column!
This is my first real post since recycling my old blog to become my online advice blog column.
Who: I'm Maria, aka TheGoddessMaria, and sometimes Sunflower, and I am here for you.
What: I answer those "I didn't know who else I could ask without feeling judged or getting misinformation.
Where: I am committed to answering questions in an online format, three days a week.
How: You may contact me by email, text, here in the comments, or by Twitter. Discretion is assured.
Why: I am committed to your intimate life being amazing, so you will be happier!
My credentials:
Having lived a wild life, I've still managed to do some amazing training so that I may serve a broad population. I'm a massage therapist, I've taught science and massage courses, and I have worked at a full service spa for 11 years, while maintaining a small practice of my own for 13 years. I am a holistic health counselor certified at the Institute for
Integrative Nutrition in Manhattan, NY. I volunteered for Planned Parenthood for several years at a local facility serving the needs of people whose lives are affected by HIV and/or AIDS, where I learned about a variety of safer sex practices. I am the proprietor of Athena's by Maria, and I do "those" parties. In my capacity as a Goddess (for that is what we are as
distributors of Athena's Home Novelties) I have learned so much more about sex than I ever thought possible, and I have had a lot of sex! With a lot of people! (how often do you hear anyone admitting that out loud?) Through Athena's, I've participated
in exciting workshops with articulate speakers like Jack Canfield, Sheri Winston and Tristan Taormino. I've also completed the amazing week-long program, Become An Inspiring Speaker", with Marcia Wieder and several other heavy hitters in the professional speaking world (Jim Pelley, Patricia Fripp, Sam Horn, and Arthur Samuel Joseph.... what an incredible
experience!) I've also been an advice column junkie for years, and read many, many books on sexuality some by the columnists I love - like Ask Isadora, whom I adore, and Dan Savage whom I respect greatly.
I'm here for you. I'm your go-to girl when you have questions about sex, sexuality, relationships, intimacy matters, and especially about open relationsips. I never use letters verbatim, in case the letter is save in an email or on a hard-drive. I will make up the names if you use any, but not the locations, so if it looks like your question and it's from the right place then you might want to read even more closely.
My first letter addresses a very, very common issue. Remember to check back on Friday and Monday for more!
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Dear Goddess,
I'm a 24 year old man, engaged to be married to a 23 year old woman. In the last year I've noticed that my fiancee is not getting as wet as she used to when we were first having sex. She used to be almost too wet! Now, even when she says she's in the mood, she's just not that wet. We have sex three times a week. We talked about it and she said it's normal to stop getting as wet. Is this true or is she sick of me? -- Gary in Providence, Rhode Island
Dear Gary,
If she's sick of you, what a nice way of expressing it by having sex with you! Three times a week ? I wouldn't worry yet, Gary, because there are a few situations in which the body DOES produce lubrication in the vaginal cavity, and conversely, there are several reasons why the body will NOT lubricate as efficiently, effectively, or as effusively. Lubrication comes easily with NRE (New! Relationship! Energy!), and youth. Also, some situations that are very thrilling or scary will cause the vagina to secrete lubricant as well. In the book "Sperm Wars" (a real book!) the author discusses the very real phenomena of 1) ovaries releasing eggs and 2) vaginal lubrication in response to unexpected sexual encounters (consensual and non-consensual). The increase in lubrication is to protect the vaginal cavity. Once a nice, safe, cozy feeling of regularity and everydayness sets in, the danger factor goes away - the female's body knows you won't hurt her so there's less impetus to lubricate. If this is exactly as you are reporting, I would wager that this is the issue. Here are all the reasons I can think of in 30 seconds why lubrication can be less when we actively want MORE!
-menopause
-all allergy medication
-any sinus medication
-some antidepressants
-lack of sleep
-alcohol consumption
-marijuana consumption
-general dehydration
-fatigue
-discomfort
-general worry
-fear of getting pregnant
-condoms! how unfair is that?!
-friction
What to do?? Talk to your fiancee. "Honey, I wrote to an online sex advice columnist and she recommended Wet Light as a perfect starter lube for us!" If you do this with the product in your hand, with nobody home, wayyy before you are even thinking of going to bed, it should be funny for her. Try to really ham it up, and then present her a bouquet of six flavored and specialty lubricants. Wet Light is certified as a medical accessory, so I can guarantee you that all products made by Trigg Laboratories are very safe for the body. Warming, tingling, super slippery - I recommend that women and men try a variety of lubricants on themselves to get that valuable first-hand experience. Try a tiny bit first. Put a dab on a cotton swab and try it on the inside of your own mouth. I think that it's funny to try our products out together, but if you can
each find two or three lubes you like the feel of, then there should be some overlap, and that will help you find the perfect product to use together. Less friction = more feeling for you both! For condom users, be sure to put just a drop in the inside of the condom before rolling it down. That will increase sensitivity and help prevent breakage. Just a drop, though. We don't want those bad boys to slip off! By the way, if you have sex in the shower or if you like anal sex, be sure to get some Wet Platinum, which is a silicone based lubricant. Enjoy the testing process, Gary!
(want a coupon for your order? email me at goddess.maria@gmail.com)
Submit your questions by email with the subject QIAH to goddess.maria@gmail.com,
and thank you for reading!
Love,
The Goddess Maria
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